I’m Flawed and Broken, But Still Worthy

 Aaron Burden via Unsplash
Aaron Burden via Unsplash

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. –Galatians 1:10

Galatians 1:10 poses a great question: Am I trying to win the approval of humans or God? It goes on to say if we’re trying to please people, then we’re not being servants of Christ. 

I’ll be honest, when I started this blog, I had monetization in mind. I knew I wouldn’t be willing to pub just anyone’s product or collaborate with everyone, but I hoped to build an audience that trusts me and enjoys my content enough to keep coming back. Sidenote: I know this takes time. I’m not expecting you to follow, like or share anything just because I ask. I truly appreciate you, reader. There are hundreds of thousands of blogs out there. You taking the time to read mine, means the world. Seriously.

Now, back to Galatians. When I first read that verse in the devotion I’m working through this month, I felt some type of way. I’m human, of course I care about what people think. Sometimes, I care too much. 

For the past few years, I have been asking God to show me my purpose. I’ve always felt like I was put on this Earth to write and I still do. Specifically, I believe my writing should give a voice to the voiceless. For me, that has meant marginalized folks, especially black women. 

Lately, I’ve struggled with how to use this gift though. I need to make money to pay bills and save and such, but I often question, especially with this blog how I can add value and minister to people. I know I just started this journey, (it’s literally been two weeks) but this is why all my other blogs failed. I hit a wall and started thinking there was no point to what I was doing. 

Currently, I’m reading a devotion called The Discovery: Exploring God’s Call on Your Life. I highly recommend it. It’s different from other devotions on the Bible app because it requires you to journal your thoughts each day. This is especially helpful because at the end of the 35-day plan, you’ll be able to see how your thoughts have changed and what you’ve learned about yourself. 

I’ve always considered myself pretty lucky for knowing and pursuing my gift at such a young age. I was in kindergarten when I said I wanted to be an author. Now, at 24, I’ve written a novel, started a second one and I’ve got ideas brewing about a memoir/self help book. Still, I keep coming to one question: What’s the point? How will I uplift God on this blog? In my writing period? 

Award shows are my absolute favorite type of TV. I love live tweeting with #BlackTwitter and hearing all the thank you speeches. I remember growing up and watching them being surprised at the people who thanked God. Often, it was the first time I was hearing some of my favorite celebrities mention Him. I don’t want to be like that. Only praising God when I win. When something goes well. That’s when it’s easy to praise Him, to thank Him, to read my Bible every day. 

I’m approaching my blogging and writing career the same way Chance the Rapper approaches his music career. I’m not a Christian blogger, I’m a blogger who is a Christian. That means I’m flawed, a sinner and undeserving of a lot of the things I have. I’m not going to post solely about my walk with Christ, or my interpretation of Bible verses, but my faith is central to my life and so it will come up often.

I’m not positive how I will uplift Him as I start this blogging journey; I sincerely hope to be an example of how following Christ has nothing to do with being perfect and everything to do with being flawed and broken, but still worthy. 

If you’re struggling to find your path, or unsure about God’s plan for your life, I encourage you to download the Bible app. Pick a plan that sticks out to you, or revisit verses from your childhood. You do not have to be on point all the time. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). 

-BK  


What verse(s) do you turn to when you need encouraging? Let me know in the comments below. 

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